Two Years Sober: Queer, Trans, and Thriving (Without Alcohol)

Two Years Sober: Queer, Trans, and Thriving (Without Alcohol)

Alcohol has long been part of LGBTQ+ culture, not just as celebration, but far too often as means for survival. Historically, bars were among the few places queer and trans people could safely gather. They were community hubs, spaces for chosen family to gather, and sites of queer resistance. But that legacy has come at a cost.

The statistics don’t lie: LGBTQ folks are significantly more likely to struggle with alcoholism. Queer and trans people live in a world where we’re often told, both explicitly and implicitly, that we shouldn't exist. That kind of trauma takes a toll and intoxication can feel like a lifeline.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

Getting Sober Curious

I didn’t get sober because I hit rock bottom. There was no single catastrophic event, no dramatic intervention. It started quietly, with a book: Sober Curious. At the time, I wasn’t ready to say I had a problem. I wasn’t ready to call myself an alcoholic. But I was ready to start asking questions. That book gave me language that felt accessible and kind. It suggested I didn’t have to hit a certain threshold of dysfunction before examining my relationship with alcohol. At that point, I needed a harm reduction approach. The book helped me develop a lens where I was now questioning all the ways alcohol was showing up in my life. And it was a lot. Like a lot, a lot.

I decided to try “Sober October,” a challenge where you abstain from alcohol for 30 days. It felt achievable. Fun even. But I got sick pretty immediately. Not emotionally sick, but extremely physically sick. I had headaches, intense cravings, nausea, night sweats, and insomnia. That’s when it hit me: I'm in withdraw. I have a drinking problem. I need help.

The Early Days

The first few weeks of sobriety were awful. I was grieving something I used to call my “happy elixir.” Physically, I was wrecked. Alcohol had been part of my brain development. It was a part of my genetic make-up, my family history, and I didn’t know how to function without it.

Socially, alcohol had always been my lubricant. The thing that made me feel fun, brave, and confident. But it also made me sloppy. Emotional. Disconnected. I trauma-dumped. I overshared. I had to be helped home more times than I care to admit. But no one really questioned it. Because the people around me were also drinking like that. The culture I was in, especially queer nightlife, made it feel normal. Celebrated, even.

A Positive Feedback Loop

For a while, I white-knuckled it. I wasn’t in a program. I wasn’t talking to other sober people. I was just getting through it. In time, I relapsed. I tried moderation. And I relapsed, again. Like quitting smoking cigarettes, it took real persistence and the willingness to forgive myself and try again.

In time, I got sober and have stayed sober for 2 years today. I’m apart of multiple sobriety groups, and I even help facilitate one specifically for queer folks in recovery. Through these groups, I've learned that recovery work is about community care and mutual aid. It's about peer support, the importance of harm reduction, and the ways we show up for one another.

Sobriety didn’t magically fix everything. But it made everything clearer. I’m no longer losing days to hangovers and shame spirals. My liver is healing. My migraines have improved. My relationships are more authentic because I can actually show up as myself. Do I still miss drinking? Yes. Do I still avoid some social spaces? Also yes. But I’ve learned that FOMO is a hell of a lot better than hangxiety. And that’s why I keep setting boundaries and choosing my sobriety each day.

Queer, Trans, and Sober: Let's Talk About It

There’s an uncomfortable truth we need to talk about: alcohol use is disproportionately high in the LGBTQ community because we are disproportionately harmed. Homophobia. Transphobia. Family rejection. Housing insecurity. Job discrimination. Medical trauma. In a culture that glamorizes alcohol, sometimes a drink feels like the only way to get some relief.

But we need those alternatives. We need more sober queer spaces. More mocktails at Pride. More events that don’t revolve around getting drunk. More alternatives to “Let’s get drinks" and more room to ask, “What if I didn’t drink?”

We deserve joy that doesn't come with a hangover. We deserve spaces where our sobriety is seen as sacred. And we deserve freedom. Not just from alcohol, but from the systems that make it feel necessary to escape in the first place.

Resources

Books

Podcasts

  • Sober Voices – Uplifting stories from diverse sober folks.

  • The Sober Brown Girls Podcast – Focused on sober journeys of Black and Brown women & femmes.

  • Recovery Rocks – Hosted by a queer woman and a rock journalist in recovery.

  • Sober Sex – Explores sexuality, queerness, recovery, and connection.

Websites & Online Resources

  • The Temper - A curated site for stories about sobriety, especially by LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and femme voices.

  • Sober Black Girls Club - A collective uplifting Black women and femmes in recovery.

  • Loosid - A sober social network with LGBTQ+ groups and dating features.

Virtual Support Groups

  • Rainbow Recovery – Centered on queer and trans folks in recovery with a harm reduction approach.

  • TransSober – A peer-led community for trans+ people navigating sobriety.

  • SMART Recovery – Secular support groups focusing on self-empowerment and science-based tools.

  • LGBTQ+ AA Meetings – 12 step online/in-person meetings with offerings for queer and trans folks.

  • Gay & Sober - Daily online meetings for gay people in recovery.

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